Blog Archive

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Renting a room, missing my family.

I rang Emma this morning. I rang early,mainly because I couldn't sleep but also because I know Emma gets up early to have some time on her own before the children get up. Initially she was furious, angry at my selfishness and obsession, but after a few minutes she calmed down and we managed to hold together a reasonably calm conversation. After I took flight she rang the doctor and then the police; both told her that there was nothing they could do as my interment would have been entirely voluntary. Her main concern was what to tell the children and how, if I remained in this current state, she was to remain financially secure and pay the bills. I told her that there may be some insurance due depending on what the doctor was willing to ascribe to my current 'breakdown'.

We hung-up on mediocre terms, I promised to focus on finding a resolution and returning home as soon as possible, she cried and hung up. I remember just sitting there staring out of the window at the churning,grey swelling waters of the Solent and feeling, well to be honest, feeling nothing, just numb. I tried, for a moment, to find a part of me that didn't believe in the existence of shadows nor glowing people nor the supernatural in general, as I knew I once had. There was not such a place in my mind that moment and I could not foresee any such in the near future, as if to accentuate the point a dark shade flashed by outside before circling around an innocent pedestrian on the esplanade. I resolved to get off my arse and find Sue.

My phone still had the text trail and call history, Sue's number remained in the memory so I called; nothing. I tried several times, not available. I texted a desparate message:

'Sue need to talk urgently, my sanity is ebbing away.'

Nothing. I remember sitting for over an hour, just waiting and staring at my mobile phone. There was a knock on the door and a second later the chamber-maid entered. It was nearly ten and I needed to check-out. It was at that moment that I realised the magnitude of my decision, I had left my home, my family and above all my security; I was on my own. I had very little money, no real possessions and no real way of supporting myself. I felt loathe to take money from my bank account as Emma would need that until such time as any additional income could be secured, but I did have a couple of credit cards with rather large credit limits. I figured that if I could live on them and pay the minimum payments they would see me through for a few weeks, or at least I had...or at least until, what?

I checked-out of the cheap hotel, bought the local paper and sat in a nearby cafe for a few hours ringing around seeking cheap accommodation. Most were already taken, but eventually I had stroke of luck, one landlord had been let down by a tenant, who had left owing a few weeks rent, and was desperate to get someone in as soon as possible. I agreed on the phone, without even seeing the room, leaving eagerly to find my new home. The streets were largely empty as the strong wind and intermittent rain ensured that Portsea Island remained gloomy, oppressive and inhospitable. There were the ubiquitous shadows, lurking in dark alleys, darting in and out of shops, crawling the walls and flitting between the sparse pedestrians. I persevered, battling the weather and ignoring the wraiths that took turns tormenting my progress and it wasn't long before I arrived at the address I had written on my newspaper.

I'm writing from my new room now, it's a shared flat in Southsea. There's four of us here, me, two female students and the landlord, Johnnie. I've yet to meet the girls but Johnnie, a middle-aged divorcee (I think he may be gay) is a great guy and has wavered the deposit as I managed to fix his wireless router, broadband – result, and his printer. It's been a long day so I will have an early night. Wait, phone.

Shit. That was Sue. Just a quick call but she apologised and want's to meet for breakfast tomorrow. Not much else on at the moment so I agreed. Is she as mental as me? I just want to know.

Time for bed. This is the first time I've been away from my family for reasons other than work. If you are reading this Emma, I love you. Give the kids a hug from me, yes even Stevie, I'll call tomorrow. Love you all.

More later.

No comments:

Post a Comment