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Sunday, 14 November 2010

Muggy thoughts

As I knew she would, Emma read my blog and good to her word she is still allowing me to continue writing as I see fit, my experiences, thoughts and feelings. She did, however, express her concern that I was continuing my delusions and maintaining my beliefs. I did point out that at no time have I stated that I am completely in accordance with my current experiences, I am questioning everything I see and hear, but even if this all nonsense maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Three days into taking my medication and I can still see the shadows, it's a bit confusing as I am sleeping more and it's sometimes difficult to know what time it is. Thankfully when the kids get back tonight I will have some reference, weekdays at least will be obvious. I have my first real session with the consultant tomorrow afternoon, work is taking a back seat for a while, and this will be the our primary appraisal session. I can't push from my mind the vision I encountered a couple of nights ago, it seemed to be so clear and genuine. I know that the esteemed doctor will have read my blog, if not Emma will surely spill the beans, and as such I will need to have answers. I have decided continue recording everything as I witness it and not to concern myself with the potential implications from my overworked, underpaid medical support team ;-)

The shadows are still everywhere, a great deal clearer with every passing day, and the whispering is becoming clearer too. As I write, sitting up in bed, I can see a group of three or four figures huddling in the corner of my room. Their whispers are load but still on the verge of my understanding, they look up occasionally then continue talking amongst themselves. I informed Emma about their presence when she brought me a sandwich a while ago, she shook her head sadly and left with tears in her eyes. I promised to tell her the truth and will continue to do so.

I know that I am probably mentally ill, or at least I am suffering from something untoward in the head department but what if I'm not? What if, tomorrow I am to be interviewed with someone controlled by a dark puppeteer, a master shade?

The four shadows are standing now and walking towards me, their whispering is swifter and louder. I can almost hear but the more I concentrate the drowsier I feel. I will relax now to see if I can comprehend their insistent approach.

More later. Soon hopefully.

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