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Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Trepidation


I opted not to ring Sue today, instead I used the time to contemplate what we spoke about and what the best way forward would be. Sounds great, but I didn't manage to get any further forward. Sue continues to intrigue me, and the guilt suffered due to my feeling for Emma is too much.

I seem to be plagued even more by the shadow creatures, they hover and dive with more fervour and seeming emotion. I think that it's because I am down and in a deep, shitty mood. They are hovering all the while a the edge of my vision, I don't even dare to don my sunglasses and witness what difference this may make.

What did she mean,'Closer to death,' this worries me more than the existence of what she termed, 'children of the sea'. Is she inferring that she is a mermaid or a similarly aligned creature? Or is she merely telling me that she has spent some time in the Navy, as I have? To be fair we had both drunk a fair bit of alcohol so either explanation is equally viable. Although, accepting this explanation is a bit difficult as her answer was in direct response to my question.

I do see Sue as a conduit, a means to uncover what I am witnessing, is this wrong? She seems a good sort, a genuine ally in my journey of discovery, as mentioned yesterday I will get back in touch with her as soon as I feel genuinely capable to do so. In the mean time the shadows flow and bunch, the colours are still a mystery and I still feel so lost and alone.

More later.

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